There I was.  Eating lunch in the kitchen, watching an episode of VEEP when I looked out the backdoor window and saw the groundhog.  Eating in my mom’s garden [insert gasps].

I jumped up, kicked off my sandals, and ran to get my bow and arrow shouting “RALLY THE TROOPS!” (I don’t really know why…it just kind of came out).  I snuck out of the front door of my house barefoot, and snuck around to the back.  My neighbor was outside and saw me, and was about to shout something over to me when I waved at him, miming for him to shut up.  I could not talk, I could not let my enemy get away!  (Although, in all fairness, I must’ve looked rather strange…a grown man with a manic expression, standing barefoot with a child’s bow and arrow…)

I crept around the house and made it to the driveway that runs parallel to the garden, with the groundhog about fifty feet away.  I had an arrow in place, I took aim, and shot.  And I hit him!  From fifty feet away!  I am Katniss.

Again, this is a kids bow and arrow, so it didn’t kill him, it just hit him and made him jump in shock.  He scampered away, and  I followed, loading another arrow.  I saw him, hiding behind a tree next to our shed.  I took aim again, and I think I hit him again…it was hard to tell because there are a lot of bushes there… I  heard him scramble away, under the fence and away.

The enemy may have gotten away, but I hit him.  Twice….ish.  My neighbors cat has just come out and is again patrolling the garden. #WeMeanBusiness.


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“The Groundhog War”

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